WOW!

it was so good I watched it 3 times in one week.

http://www.ted.com/talks/wade_davis_on_endangered_cultures.html

toothless grin

Another rite of passage we’ve all been through, is our first loose tooth. Staying awake all night wriggling it, sure its gonna come out at any point now that we feel it moving! The excitement and the certainty of the process becomes our roller coaster. After a few days of excitement and anticipation we adjust and it becomes just a part of our world, our experience. Ya, its getting looser, but its just an immediate part of the Now that we exist in as children. Until finally one day it just falls out in an apple, and we are a mired in wonder once again, as we shove our tongues into the huge, weird tasting hole left behind! This is often our first cognitive experience with the process of growing up and being an active part of life unfolding. Its an entire process, a journey of shared experience, one of our first awareness's of our connection to humanity. When we return to grade school to show our friends the next day, some will lecture us knowingly about what it was like for them, some will stare in wonder and awe, asking questions and making faces, with round eyes of fear and respect. And some, the older kids, will roll their eyes and call us and our friends babies as they run through the play ground and take the ball we dropped as everyone stared at the wriggler. Life goes on, they've been through it, and however frightening a new journey, experience, habit, or behavior may be for those of us on the path for the first time, there is always someone older, wiser, more experienced for whom our avalanche of emotional turmoil is just a well known piece of the pie for a road walked many times, and as familiar as an old pair of shoes. They know there is nothing to worry about and no big danger, its just normal. This is perhaps the most magnificent thing about our human condition. The need to constantly seek new experience, and to live in a state of excitement and adventure, and then to learn it, know it, become its master and share the map with some new greenhorn, bright eyed with fear and wonder, to lend a hand and help trust emerge where perhaps there was none before, to invoke a sense of strength and confidence in our successors before we move along the road to our next new experience. We journey from novice to master to teacher, then set out on new roads where we can begin the cycle again, and conquer new fears and hurdles in our quest to eventually realize were all the same, -even in our differences. We are one. back at home, some of us will find money in exchange for the lost tooth when its left under our pillow. But its the shared experience, the little rite of passage and experiential learning that comes from it that is the real gift, the actual exchange. But the tooth fairy idea leads me to the question, what do other cultures do?

Homecoming

After a long journey, I love the first moment after opening the front door and smelling the good familiarity of home. Our olfactory sense is directly wired to our limbic or instinctual brain,and the brain reacts in some interesting ways to smell. Teaching aromatherapy classes to massage students, I frequently have to explain to my students how after the initial processing of a new smell, the brain begins to filter it out of our conscious sensory perceptions, even if we are still reacting to it. Home smells good, but we can only smell it those first few moments, then we become desensitized to it, even though we still react by calming down, feeling safe, and relaxing easily in that environment. We choose and react to a mate in the same fashion. Initially attracted by the unique scent (beyond deodorants and perfumes) of our lover, we may, eventually over time, not be aware of it at all, but still experience a physical and physiological response of sexual attraction when that person is near. My second husband could always tell if I was about to get sick, or if I was under emotional duress because my smell would change and he could perceive it. So if emotional upheaval has a perceptible smell to it, maybe there really is a “smell” of fear, that dogs or bees, or predators can sense. So while some behavior is ritualistic, some ritual behaviors are directed by smell: arousal, aggression, hunger, nurturing, sleepiness, relaxation, even anger. It depends on what you are smelling. Burnt toast? Smell enhances and has direct links to memory, and can be a ritual of its own simply by recreating a psycho-emotional experience in the brain, for good or ill.
The smell of honeysuckle is one of my very favorite scents. It takes me back to being 7 or 8 years old, and independent, invincible, limited to neither male or female ideals, and imagination was everything. I really could fly, and stop time, and nothing existed at all until I knew about it first hand. There were no theories to cloud the mind with logic and ice, just the warmth of the sun on our faces, and the rainbows in the parking lot puddles, and chocolate pudding at friends houses. The aroma of Garlic and burgers takes me to the age of 11, and down home dinner on the ranch, where my grandmother would toast the sourdough, and make the garlic butter from scratch for their famous hamburger sandwiches, served to every visitor for thier first meal. It was usually home raised beef, so the flavor was something we indulged at “home coming” even during our vegetarian teen years. An important ritual to start the summer off, and mark another year gone by. Roses make me blissfully happy and I feel connected to nature, and God, and humanity, and the whole darn planet and cosmos. They make everything seem right with the world regardless of what is going on. There is a special rose garden I frequent, by a river, and I journey there whenever something or someone very important comes into my life and I want to know why. Like taking tea, I am able to step outside of transition, and rise above the fray of the battlefield to see the perfection of the larger picture, and the clear light of direction shining in my life. Walking around smelling the roses, flitting from flower to flower like a honey bee, I find the answers I seek and I somehow just know what to do, and with whom, the “why” usually sorts itself out shortly after. My confidence in the direction I receive is intimidating to some people, and generally catches them off guard when I act on it. Smell is a powerful influencer.
This shows the allure of incense, herbs, and essential oils in ceremonial settings. Certainly large corporate chains have used it to influence our spending habits for years, (Walmart, Victoria's Secret, Target, Mrs. Fields, Nordstroms, to name a few) so it makes sense that we should become aware of it and utilize it for our own well being. Aromatherapy maybe like casting spells after all. And I just wanted to clear my head, take a hot salt bath, and freshen the air. Hey! What do you know? Its another homecoming ritual. So We do have them, and create them all around our secular lives after all.

Heartache and Hook ups

Something about heartache and disappointment, or unfulfilled expectations carries some of us to inspect the inside of a tequila bottle. What an interesting and self destructive ritual, but a ritual just the same. When something we care about or have vested interest in does not work out according to our petty human plans, we can walk away, try again, lick our wounds, plot revenge, or just give up. But the emotional component needs an outlet, and the siren song of self destructive behavior is a road to easily indulged, but still a fairly common response to the multifaceted human condition. Some people have a healthier way to nurture themselves through disappointment, but we’ve all made choices we regret from pain, numbness, anger, or apathy. Drinking your problems away just gives you problems and a hangover, but even the physical pain of this condition is a ritual of its own sort, and many would argue that in modern American culture learning to manage ones drink, and crying through the results of NOT managing it are common rites of passage for many young adults. Learning self control, moderation and natural consequences for behavior is an important skill for managing ones life in the modern world.
Some people might fast, or pray or meditate, or immerse themselves in someone else's problems in order to lose track of their self pity and make a positive difference in their community. But what happens when a person is struggling with a major life crises, or transition, or loss of identity, or a spouse, or a child? Certainly grief is a process, and everyone handles it differently and at their own pace, and their is no one right way to get through it, tequila, meditation, dancing naked under the full moon, or moving to a new city to rebuild ones identity with a new life. Time is the common thread, and there is no way to rush it, push it or hurry it up. “You can’t step in the same river twice.” Nor can you push the river for your own plans.
Sitting around, nursing my own problems I chose to lean on a friend. While visiting, my friend had an old flame visit one night for a hook up. It was interesting to observe the “remember when” talk, and the mating dance of casual familiarity, and best behavior. The boastful stories of sexual or alcoholic prowess, previous relationship navigation's, and work life interpersonal skills. Laughing at everyone's “party piece” stories and bad jokes. The mating dance, whether its a hook up, or a heartfelt love connection is a ritual, a ceremony, and even a rite of passage in any kind of relationship. My favorite is the unrestrained expressions of appreciation for the other persons time, talent, effort and interest, an expression that often seems to fade to a bitter place of expectation at later stages in relationships.

Feast of Gratitude

Thanksgiving is my Favorite Holiday, and it’s uniquely American. I love the food, and the gathering of friends and family. I love taking the time to think about gratitude and being thankful for what we have in our lives even when life isn't going the way we want it to. I love the way we put so much thought and preparation into the feast and the gathering, so that every little thing is just right according to our own particular traditions in the whole. Sure most people have the traditional meal of turkey and stuffing and some kind of pie but the side dishes are varied and often a vitally unique piece of this puzzle to each family group. I once had someone request lumps in the mashed potatoes. For some people it’s just not thanksgiving without candied yams, or green beans, or apple banana salad in a special heirloom bowl.

My favorite is to host the dinner, which in my world lasts for all four days of the weekend. The games, and movies, and activities engaged in over the entire weekend, as well as the various breakfasts are all part of the tradition and ritualized experience, as much as the feast itself. Let’s face it, as a country we like to eat. And fattening up before the winter with shared resources is a very interesting kind of ceremony with deep roots and purpose, regardless of how some people just fatten up to go shopping these days, which is a fattening ritual filled with unconscious symbolism of its own.

Winter can be cold, and dark and long. Building up a stock pile of supplies, and a layer of fat can insure basic survival. Sure nowadays we have electric lights and fireplaces, huge furnaces, and can walk to the corner store when we need more soup. But that was not always the case. Having a huge feast or community gathering was one way to account for everyone, and be sure we were all set to get through winter. The tradition of going in groups from house to house, Christmas caroling, was really a way to check on the neighbors and to make sure everyone still had enough food at midwinter. We would do it again around February first, checking up and sharing firewood through the community. We might call it Imbolc, or St. Brigid's Day, or just a fire festival, but there it is another little tradition, or ritual to check on the health and well being of the community at large in the coldest climates.

Without these rituals we are isolated again, even from our closest neighbors. Our sense of connection is diminished, and our dependence on technology increases. No wonder so many people perish in the heat or cold when New York City has a black out. According to James Burke and his documentary series “Connections”, all this chaos was the ultimate result of the invention of the plow. So dig in, feast up, invite the neighbors and consider how we are all connected and it’s probably a good thing. Also, enjoy some different programming this holiday and expand your mind along with your belly, and be grateful we live in the information age where we still have the freedom to do that.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/james-burke-connections/

Clockwork Orange

It has been my opinion since starting this research that our society has few if any rituals, or rites of passage which is a big part of what is wrong with us, why we feel disconnected and why people seem to be increasingly desensitized to cruelty and violence. Its not the only reason, but it certainly seems to contribute. But where is it taking us and what would that look like? According to some, the cult film classic “A Clockwork Orange” gives us a fantastic cinematic representation of what happens to an individual in a society devoid of meaning, rituals and rites of Passage: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066921/

"In future Britain, charismatic delinquent Alex DeLarge is jailed and volunteers for an experimental aversion therapy developed by the government in an effort to solve society's crime problem... but not all goes according to plan. Director: Stanley Kubrick, Writers: Stanley Kubrick (screenplay), Anthony Burgess (novel) Stars: Malcolm McDowell, Patrick Magee and Michael Bates"

This is an ugly view but probably not far off the mark. According to Men's writer Robert Bly, a youth with no positive male mentor or rituals for Rites of Passage is very likely to become a violent, undirected thug without morals or any sense of belonging to his community. To fill this inner need and drive and lack of recognition and direction he may form or join street gangs with other unguided or misguided youth. -Left with a sense of connection only to his gang members and those he can intimidate or exert power over. He is an individual without hope of growth, improvement of his lot in life, or meaning in the present or the future. Power and violence are what make him feel strong. Possibly what make him feel anything at all.

According to Bly the solution lies in rebuilding community in the neighborhoods, of getting the elders to step up and mentor the youth, and to give them acknowledgment of what it means to be caring, gentle, strong, responsible men. Men must be with other, older responsible men to do this. What about women? -It seems to be a bit easier for them as in general they have more opportunities to be with older women in the extended family circle and activities that women share.


http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/interv/bly.html

Robert Bly: "And we have to realize that the greatest danger to the culture is coming from these young unparented males all over the world. And if we want to do something about that, instead of pouring money in from Washington, one thing you would do is you would go to South Los Angeles and you would ask in the black communities who is a responsible older male here. And they would know. They only know that at the block level. Then you'd go to that older man and you'd say to him, “Listen, I'm gonna give you eighteen thousand dollars and I want you to keep two young men out of prison in that time.. It costs thirty-five thousand to keep a young man in prison. It costs more to keep a young man in prison than to send him to college.” And the older man then has something to do and the younger man has someone to talk to and be with. And it's astonishing the changes that come in young men when that happens."

So elders and mentors may help to create and recognize rites of passage, and are important for the safety, well being, and healthy development of community in our societies. We do have them, but they are often subtle, overlooked, or go unrecognized. Some mentors may come and go in our lives, some coming of age rites may include little to no pomp or circumstance but appear as mundane or secular activities to the participants: babysitting younger children, taking the city bus alone, learning to drive, menstruation, wet dreams, interest in sex, becoming sexually active, graduations, quinceanera, barmitzvah, batmitzvah, vision quests, college road trips, traveling to a foreign city or country alone, marriage, becoming a parent, and more. Robert Bly gives us the solution for creating mentors and community, but what can we do to increase the celebration factor of these important events and add to the ritual, sense of meaning and importance in identity development for the individual and their sense of place in community in the broad spectrum? and do we need to?

Fall out

As children we often have perfect faith in our parents (our gods) and the world that is presented to us. Over time we slowly learn that we cannot always count on people, or circumstances. People let us down, even the ones we trust most, or don’t live up to our ideals, parents are not always all knowing, all loving deities but common human beings facing hurdles and challenges and tests of character that they do not always overcome. As small children everything is bigger than we are and faith in something even bigger is not much of a stretch, to imagine daddy always catching us, the freeway extending to eternity and some giant god figure always looking out for our interests. But eventually we grow up and have to face the emotional letdown of being in charge of ourselves, our own wellbeing and our own moral code. This is the point at which many religions step in to fill the gap. So is a child brought up in a religious culture less likely to face a crises of faith later in life or during troubling events?
As a child with perfect faith in the world, and everything in it, I remember the terror I felt when I first heard of “Galloping Gertie” the bridge across the Tacoma Narrows that buckled in a heavy windstorm, and realized that the things built by man were fallible. I was terrified to cross bridges by car for many years after that. It was also my first introduction to the devastation possible in nature. Something I had been brought up to feel I was connected to and a part of. Now the natural world that I had never really distinguished as a force separate from the rest of my world became suspect and angry and dangerous. The very idea sent me hiding under a blanket in the back seat for years, and I had travel terrors about drowning in a car until well into my twenties. But it wasn’t really the force of nature I feared, but the arrogance of man. To this day even extreme weather and natural events such as earth quake, hurricane and tsunami fail to strike fear in me despite evidence to the contrary. My personal trust in nature itself and connection with the earth and the natural world prevails even when faith in every other part of life or belief systems has failed.