Dance Of Anger

Everyone has different ways of responding to and expressing anger. Anger effects us all, from momentary irritations, to the all consuming and unstoppable rage of a grief process. There is no wrong way to process or express this emotion, or any other for that matter, but there are some ways that are healthier than others. In general, in our society women are taught to be patient, understanding and accommodating. To push down our anger and think about how the other person feels. From this we learn that it is not OK to be angry or to act upon our rage in a natural, healthy way of expression.

Obviously there are exceptions to this generality. I have met plenty of men who are seem passive to the extreme, and some women get angry almost daily as a way of manipulating those around them. Meanwhile men are generally taught to cover fear, embarrassment and softer feeling with anger or aggression, stuffing all vulnerability to unseen levels. Neither of these models allows either of the binary sexes to have a natural, healthy relationship with anger, or its natural, appropriate and useful expression. Useful you ask? Yes. Anger can be very useful when used appropriately.

Anger is fuel. Its Healthy. It is a message to let you know that you have gone past many, many cues of “no”, and “Stop”, and “don’t do that”. Anger is the fuel to end a frustrating situation. It is very effective to overcome inertia, when we know how to use it appropriately. The trick is knowing how to give ourselves permission to end the situation before it becomes frustrating. This is a dance we all must do.