Everyone has different ways of responding to and expressing anger. Anger effects us all, from momentary irritations, to the all consuming and unstoppable rage of a grief process. There is no wrong way to process or express this emotion, or any other for that matter, but there are some ways that are healthier than others. In general, in our society women are taught to be patient, understanding and accommodating. To push down our anger and think about how the other person feels. From this we learn that it is not OK to be angry or to act upon our rage in a natural, healthy way of expression.
Obviously there are exceptions to this generality. I have met plenty of men who are seem passive to the extreme, and some women get angry almost daily as a way of manipulating those around them. Meanwhile men are generally taught to cover fear, embarrassment and softer feeling with anger or aggression, stuffing all vulnerability to unseen levels. Neither of these models allows either of the binary sexes to have a natural, healthy relationship with anger, or its natural, appropriate and useful expression. Useful you ask? Yes. Anger can be very useful when used appropriately.
Anger is fuel. Its Healthy. It is a message to let you know that you have gone past many, many cues of “no”, and “Stop”, and “don’t do that”. Anger is the fuel to end a frustrating situation. It is very effective to overcome inertia, when we know how to use it appropriately. The trick is knowing how to give ourselves permission to end the situation before it becomes frustrating. This is a dance we all must do.
Showing posts with label happy dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy dance. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Leslie's two stage Happy Dance
Sitting in a coffee shop when she heard the news, Leslie did a two part happy dance. The initial dance was a miniature seated version of the twist. She raised her voice a bit, shook her fists and waved them back and forth above the table while twisting in her chair, and chanting “I got the job, I got the job, I got the job”. Leslie"s happy dance included a few derogatory jabs, and third hand threats of legal action towards her nemesis, and those she felt snubbed by for other jobs. So letting out her anger and resentment clouded the purity of some of the joy, but revenge at least in words seems to be a frequent part of her initial expressions. But once that is expressed as a possible plan, an important change occurs.
About five minutes later the second wave hit. This was a deeper more internalized expression of Joy. The resentment was removed and the happiness a bit more authentic and accessible. Her eyes lit up, and the smile seemed to consume her whole body. Her fists moved up and down in unison as she shook with low pitched, and quiet, but deep laughter. Her head and torso shook back and forth in small but very energetic movements. This seemed to be a smaller, seated version of her full body happy dance. I’ve seen her wag her whole body like a tail-less dog. The shimmy travels up the body to the head, and back down again to the hips, and out the legs.
About five minutes later the second wave hit. This was a deeper more internalized expression of Joy. The resentment was removed and the happiness a bit more authentic and accessible. Her eyes lit up, and the smile seemed to consume her whole body. Her fists moved up and down in unison as she shook with low pitched, and quiet, but deep laughter. Her head and torso shook back and forth in small but very energetic movements. This seemed to be a smaller, seated version of her full body happy dance. I’ve seen her wag her whole body like a tail-less dog. The shimmy travels up the body to the head, and back down again to the hips, and out the legs.
Tamia's How to GET Happy Dance
She grinned a “Cheshire cat” grin, with big teeth, and wiggled her assets all over. A few shoulder shimmy’s, and high fives, then booty bumped her roommate a few times and bumped fists with the roommates boy friend. She boogied down, played some funk from George Clinton, and boogied right back up again. “If you gotta do the twist, rub some funk on it”. This was a very creative way to put the groceries away. After that it was time to strut. Around the house, off to the store in her favorite coat, and out to the bank. Strutting is a slower more drawn out version of the Happy Dance. Like an after shock. It can happen hours or even days later as a residual ripple of the Happy dance phenomenon. Strutting and wearing your favorite clothes is a longer more deliberate Happy Dance, but still an expression of joy and a just a little bit of impromptu, self righteous bragging to boost the attitude; “Oh yeah. I got it. I’m all that baby. All that and more. Don’t you wish you were me? Oh ya. Lets Rock-n-roll!"
JEN's Happy Dance
”It was crazy! Sporadic! And beautiful. My amazing roommate got a call while we were shopping for clothes. When she learned she got a job that she really wanted she hung up the phone and literally skipped, and danced and jumped in the air! She may have even clicked her heels! She was shrieking and dancing and kicking her legs, waving her arms, oblivious to the huge spectacle she was making of herself. Utterly un-intimidated by the store staff and their disapproving stares, she laughed and hooted and flailed about. I laughed with her, and at the reactions of the people who pretended not to notice. Why has happiness become a taboo in our culture? We can share violence, anger and even sex in the streets but pure, unbridled joy really shakes people up. “
“Is it because there is no script? It’s so unpredictable, and uncontainable. Where could this lead? We might have creativity and innovation. We could see solutions to problems and ultimately people could start thinking for themselves, or stop watching TV, or heavens! We might stop consuming new products… If we are happy and satisfied, content just as we are, we don’t have to engage in “seeking” behaviors, the search for happiness, and it’s a lot harder to sell us things we don’t need to feed consumerism”.
“Is it because there is no script? It’s so unpredictable, and uncontainable. Where could this lead? We might have creativity and innovation. We could see solutions to problems and ultimately people could start thinking for themselves, or stop watching TV, or heavens! We might stop consuming new products… If we are happy and satisfied, content just as we are, we don’t have to engage in “seeking” behaviors, the search for happiness, and it’s a lot harder to sell us things we don’t need to feed consumerism”.
Pissy Dances?
If for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, then it stands to reason that there is an equal and opposite to the “Happy Dance”. This must surely be the Pissy Dance, or the micro tantrum. That whining and stomping and throwing of limbs that happens when we don’t get our way, or things don’t go according to our meager hopes or plans. Now obviously this is not going to happen in a board room environment, but I have witnessed it in many social settings, on many levels, from the exasperated sigh, to the full on escalation of expressed displeasure. What is this? How does this fit into our sense of ceremony, celebration and ritual or the lack there of?
On a recent visit to a popular ice cream parlor to people watch and indulge a binge in the ultimate dairy drug experience, we observed that almost no one seemed happy or even cheerful. Lined up at the counter like junkies awaiting their fix, the patrons took their ice cream and sat in stoic silence, or stomped off into the rainy night. The only evident exception was the children but their post sugar excitement seemed frantic and manic, NOT happy, or cheerful, or joyous. What’s the deal? Where is the joy? Where is the savoring of the delicious treat? It just reinforces my opinion that dairy IS a drug, and not a very healthy or happy one at that. We have a micro tantrum when they don’t have the flavor of ice cream we want, or if the line is too long, but we are not made happy by the indulgence. I will have to look elsewhere to capture spontaneous joyousness in action.
On a recent visit to a popular ice cream parlor to people watch and indulge a binge in the ultimate dairy drug experience, we observed that almost no one seemed happy or even cheerful. Lined up at the counter like junkies awaiting their fix, the patrons took their ice cream and sat in stoic silence, or stomped off into the rainy night. The only evident exception was the children but their post sugar excitement seemed frantic and manic, NOT happy, or cheerful, or joyous. What’s the deal? Where is the joy? Where is the savoring of the delicious treat? It just reinforces my opinion that dairy IS a drug, and not a very healthy or happy one at that. We have a micro tantrum when they don’t have the flavor of ice cream we want, or if the line is too long, but we are not made happy by the indulgence. I will have to look elsewhere to capture spontaneous joyousness in action.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
What is a Happy Dance?
I love happy dances. Spontaneous bursts of joyous celebration. I have observed my own and other peoples happy dances for years and noticed several things that seem to hold true about happy dances.
1, Many people are completely unaware of their own happy dances. Or fail to recognize them for what they are. (I admit it is possible they do notice and just don’t find it the slightest bit interesting, but my experience is that most people don’t BOTHER to notice). Happy dances differ from person to person.
2, Happy dances can be big or small, solitary or group oriented. They can and do happen anywhere and everywhere.
3, Most happy dances last only a few brief seconds, but some can be expanded into several minutes of celebratory joyousness. Whether it’s a leap in the air and a click of the heels, or boogeying down to the funk fantastic. Be it a quick shrug with a fleeting smile and a wink, or a cartwheel on the walk home, Happy dances erupt from all of humanity except the deeply depressed. Even just a prolonged eye contact and wriggly eyebrows can be a minute happy dance of sorts, in the midst of a crowded restaurant, or from a hospital bed.
4, You cannot fake a happy dance, not even your own. Even if one becomes aware of what their particular happy dance is, and recreates the timing and movements of the joyous little jig, it loses the essence, the spontaneity that elevates a true happy dance to the tangible expression of contagious bliss.
5, Most people have more than one happy dance for different kinds of occasions and environments. For example the happy dance one does on the field after a particularly well executed sports play, may be very different from the happy dance the same person does in the board room when their idea is chosen for special recognition. This will be different again, from the happy dance at the conclusion of a very successful first date, or finding out that your crush likes you back.
6, Happy Dances often change over time. Although the elements may remain the same, your Happy Dance may change to incorporate new moves as you become more or less self conscious, gain better balance, or stiffen with age or injury.
7, Dancing in general makes many people feel happy due to the endorphin release and feeling of letting go. Some people dance to become happy, or become happy from dancing. In some cultures dance is considered a form of prayer. This is GREAT, but not what I mean when I talk about happy dances.
Now we come to the dilemma. If true happy dances are spontaneous and cannot be contrived, then how do we capture, observe and study them? It would seem I have to be around a lot of people that are having festive things unfold in their lives large and small. I can’t just go around constantly filming people and HOPE I capture something usable and authentic. I would miss so much while locked away in the editing room, and defeat the point of being there. I have a few other ideas, but let’s explore some things first.
While visiting my sister the other day she handed me this little book; “Where The Hell Is Matt”? It is all about this guy, Matt who is happily dancing around the world, and getting paid by his sponsor to do it. What!? No joke. He is traveling the world doing this little, silly, simple dance, obviously having a great time, and getting paid to do it. In some of the later stages of the video he gets people in many diverse cultures to do the little dance with him. Perhaps it is not spontaneous, but it is joyous, and very happy.
In one of my favorite Indian Bolliwood productions, “Lagaan”, the villagers dance for spontaneous joy numerous times during the movie. Many of these are choreographed dances, but it creates a lot of joy to watch. When watching dance, or sports or gymnastics and being totally absorbed, the mind sort of shuts down and we are suspended for a moment in silence, connected for that instant to the infinite. The ego mind shuts off and joy can come flooding in, as we are totally present in the moment of NOW.
I like to dance in my kitchen and the kitchens of close friends. It may be spontaneous, but there is usually music, and I am just grooving. Although this is a joy filled activity, and allows me to express my mood in the moment, it is not quite the same as my Happy Dance. We go dancing to have fun. We dance around in expressions of joy and happiness, or sharing a private moment with a lover, and we happy dance because it cannot be contained and we have no conscious intent to do it at all. It just happens, and by the time we notice, it’s done.
Another video I found that inspires me is the train station dance. Obviously planned and implemented by key performers this seemingly spontaneous action invited participation from passersby. In my mind it’s as if it bridged the gap between dancing for joy, and dancing from joy. This may be a small piece of insight into the Happy Dance phenomenon.
1, Many people are completely unaware of their own happy dances. Or fail to recognize them for what they are. (I admit it is possible they do notice and just don’t find it the slightest bit interesting, but my experience is that most people don’t BOTHER to notice). Happy dances differ from person to person.
2, Happy dances can be big or small, solitary or group oriented. They can and do happen anywhere and everywhere.
3, Most happy dances last only a few brief seconds, but some can be expanded into several minutes of celebratory joyousness. Whether it’s a leap in the air and a click of the heels, or boogeying down to the funk fantastic. Be it a quick shrug with a fleeting smile and a wink, or a cartwheel on the walk home, Happy dances erupt from all of humanity except the deeply depressed. Even just a prolonged eye contact and wriggly eyebrows can be a minute happy dance of sorts, in the midst of a crowded restaurant, or from a hospital bed.
4, You cannot fake a happy dance, not even your own. Even if one becomes aware of what their particular happy dance is, and recreates the timing and movements of the joyous little jig, it loses the essence, the spontaneity that elevates a true happy dance to the tangible expression of contagious bliss.
5, Most people have more than one happy dance for different kinds of occasions and environments. For example the happy dance one does on the field after a particularly well executed sports play, may be very different from the happy dance the same person does in the board room when their idea is chosen for special recognition. This will be different again, from the happy dance at the conclusion of a very successful first date, or finding out that your crush likes you back.
6, Happy Dances often change over time. Although the elements may remain the same, your Happy Dance may change to incorporate new moves as you become more or less self conscious, gain better balance, or stiffen with age or injury.
7, Dancing in general makes many people feel happy due to the endorphin release and feeling of letting go. Some people dance to become happy, or become happy from dancing. In some cultures dance is considered a form of prayer. This is GREAT, but not what I mean when I talk about happy dances.
Now we come to the dilemma. If true happy dances are spontaneous and cannot be contrived, then how do we capture, observe and study them? It would seem I have to be around a lot of people that are having festive things unfold in their lives large and small. I can’t just go around constantly filming people and HOPE I capture something usable and authentic. I would miss so much while locked away in the editing room, and defeat the point of being there. I have a few other ideas, but let’s explore some things first.
While visiting my sister the other day she handed me this little book; “Where The Hell Is Matt”? It is all about this guy, Matt who is happily dancing around the world, and getting paid by his sponsor to do it. What!? No joke. He is traveling the world doing this little, silly, simple dance, obviously having a great time, and getting paid to do it. In some of the later stages of the video he gets people in many diverse cultures to do the little dance with him. Perhaps it is not spontaneous, but it is joyous, and very happy.
In one of my favorite Indian Bolliwood productions, “Lagaan”, the villagers dance for spontaneous joy numerous times during the movie. Many of these are choreographed dances, but it creates a lot of joy to watch. When watching dance, or sports or gymnastics and being totally absorbed, the mind sort of shuts down and we are suspended for a moment in silence, connected for that instant to the infinite. The ego mind shuts off and joy can come flooding in, as we are totally present in the moment of NOW.
I like to dance in my kitchen and the kitchens of close friends. It may be spontaneous, but there is usually music, and I am just grooving. Although this is a joy filled activity, and allows me to express my mood in the moment, it is not quite the same as my Happy Dance. We go dancing to have fun. We dance around in expressions of joy and happiness, or sharing a private moment with a lover, and we happy dance because it cannot be contained and we have no conscious intent to do it at all. It just happens, and by the time we notice, it’s done.
Another video I found that inspires me is the train station dance. Obviously planned and implemented by key performers this seemingly spontaneous action invited participation from passersby. In my mind it’s as if it bridged the gap between dancing for joy, and dancing from joy. This may be a small piece of insight into the Happy Dance phenomenon.
how to play along
I am working on a project for school and need your help. Send me your email or video to hppydnce@gmail.com.
I am studying certain aspects of Cultural Anthropology, with a focus on Ritual, Ceremony and Celebrations. Specifically the creation, evolution and expression of what I call "The Happy Dance". Spontaneous little celebrations of happiness and joy that burst forth from us in small unguarded moments.
I want to get video clips (BTW drunken ones taken in your phone count ) of as many different types of people in as many countries and environments as possible for comparative analysis. Please copy this link and send it to your contacts so that they can play too, and I can get Happy Dance submissions from around the globe! That is my goal! world-wide domination -err participation.
If you are able or inclined: Please send me a short video of yourself and/or your friends doing a happy dance! The more spontaneous and authentic (or un-contrived) the better. But all help is appreciated! Please include names with proper spelling, why they are happy dancing, (new car, first kiss, etc.) and permission to use the clip! Also WHO submitted or filmed the clip.
If you would like to know more about my project; or the history and research I have done leading to this point; or just to watch some of the videos I get, Please check out my project BLOG which will link to my YouTube Account and the videos I post.
http://www.myhappydance.blogspot.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/Tamiatreesong
Thank You so much! I will be working on this all quarter, so get the word out and start emailing those video clips! The sooner the better so I can begin comparing the data!
With Sincere Gratitude and Best Wishes,
Tamia Treesong
hppydnce@gmail.com
PS: please feel free to cut and paste this entry and send it to your email contacts! That would be great!
Thank You, Thank you, Thank you!
-love Tamia
I am studying certain aspects of Cultural Anthropology, with a focus on Ritual, Ceremony and Celebrations. Specifically the creation, evolution and expression of what I call "The Happy Dance". Spontaneous little celebrations of happiness and joy that burst forth from us in small unguarded moments.
I want to get video clips (BTW drunken ones taken in your phone count ) of as many different types of people in as many countries and environments as possible for comparative analysis. Please copy this link and send it to your contacts so that they can play too, and I can get Happy Dance submissions from around the globe! That is my goal! world-wide domination -err participation.
If you are able or inclined: Please send me a short video of yourself and/or your friends doing a happy dance! The more spontaneous and authentic (or un-contrived) the better. But all help is appreciated! Please include names with proper spelling, why they are happy dancing, (new car, first kiss, etc.) and permission to use the clip! Also WHO submitted or filmed the clip.
If you would like to know more about my project; or the history and research I have done leading to this point; or just to watch some of the videos I get, Please check out my project BLOG which will link to my YouTube Account and the videos I post.
http://www.myhappydance.blogspot.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/Tamiatreesong
Thank You so much! I will be working on this all quarter, so get the word out and start emailing those video clips! The sooner the better so I can begin comparing the data!
With Sincere Gratitude and Best Wishes,
Tamia Treesong
hppydnce@gmail.com
PS: please feel free to cut and paste this entry and send it to your email contacts! That would be great!
Thank You, Thank you, Thank you!
-love Tamia
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